


Partial Shade to Full Sun

by ersatzbeta



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 22:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14412204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ersatzbeta/pseuds/ersatzbeta
Summary: Rebirth, starting from the ground up.





	Partial Shade to Full Sun

It smelled of spring; a rain shower dried by the sun. The earth was softer than Gonou had thought it would be. Not damp, not dry, but close-textured, yielding, cradling. It was almost a pity when his awareness grew to include his entire body beneath the ground—comforting weight became a suffocating source of panic. Above him, on the surface, vines writhed.

The _snick_ of a lighter somewhere behind him brought, seconds later, the waft of a familiar smoke.

"Don't move," said Sanzo. "Not unless you want to do this a second time."

Implicit was that Gonou would be by himself; an idiot alone.

It was a pity. How nice it would have been to be dead, not to bother with the concept of rebirth or the act of cleansing himself. It was rather novel, to be in his own grave. He tried to relax even as the earth continued to fill the space around him.

Gonou also felt the ivy wreathing the grave—it tangled along the ground, leaves fully spread, lapping together from vine to vine. He let his thoughts penetrate into each stem and rootlet that were a part of him now. He felt himself start to drift.

Although Sanzo did not chant, the sutra he wore hummed deep at the edge of hearing. It built an interesting kind of tension—like the golden light of the sun magnified through a lens, concentrating on Gonou alone, leaving no part of him untouched.

Still, it made him wonder. Why him, of all the souls out there that Sanzo could transform from penitence to cleanliness? That he might still have some purpose was not a comfort. Was in fact discomfort, when he was ready to be done with all this foolishness. The feel of the sutra wielded through Sanzo was an almost unbearably intense scrutiny, and he found no relief that Sanzo knew the worst of him, the heart of him. The leave rustled, unsettled, and the vines tightened into knots.

Gonou found it equally difficult to believe that an ounce of electrum, split into three small, matching ear pieces, would give him the freedom to walk among men again (if indeed he wanted to do such a thing.) No, it was better to stay rooted in the earth, inert, a living corpse that could do no harm to anyone. He felt lianas shooting deep in the ground and knitting a web around him.

"Enough," said Sanzo.

Gonou froze.

"None of us have the luxury of just fucking around playing dead. You don't get to choose when you live and when you die."

Sanzo's words were like poison, and Gonou felt himself shrinking back from them. The vines cowered against the ground, flattening themselves out. He felt the roots withering.

"Anyone who says they have the answer of why—why anything in this life, why you, why me, why not her—is either an idiot, a con-man, or both."

A brief inhale, another drift of smoke.

"You're alive," Sanzo said. "That's all there is to it. You are alive, idiot that you are."

Rough fingers scraped against his ear; a piercing cold point settled against the cartilage.

"Don't fucking live your life for anyone else, especially not her."

A second point, the burning heart of a star in miniature, blazed next to the first.

"That's all the advice you get. It's all anyone gets."

The third ear cuff slid on, no ceremony, no weight, just perfect body-temperature metal against his skin. The tangled forest of vines was inside of him. Still there, still restless, still a part of him. If he listened for it, he could hear the leaves rustling. But the sound didn't choke him, didn't tie him into knots.

Gonou pushed his way upright through the now-cold earth. He felt his skin crawl at the touch of air and light, goosebumps contracting for each hair lifted in the breeze. He scooped at the dirt and freed his legs. He knelt for a minute, shins pressing hard against the ground, panting with the sudden release of weight from his chest.

A rough, plain robe dropped over his shoulders. Gonou looked up at Sanzo.

"Tell me you don't make every penitent dig their own graves," said Gonou.

Sanzo's lips twisted up, an approximation of a smile.

"Only the ones that need to," he said. 

Sanzo took a final drag from his cigarette. He dropped the butt and crushed it a half inch from Gonou's left knee.

"Come on," said Sanzo. "The Aspects want to talk to you."

Gonou drew the robe close and stood.

"I don't know why," said Gonou.

_Crack!_ The back of Gonou's head stung, and he could feel a welt forming in the shape of the heel of Sanzo's hand.

"Idiot," said Sanzo. "It's not up to you to ask questions now."

"Ah," said Gonou. "I see."

Sanzo snorted.

"Like hell you do," He said. "They're probably going to give you a new name. It's not like they can have Cho Gonou, mass murderer, running around the temple."

Oh. Gonou hadn't quite thought that far. He felt the sun beating against his back, and the light filtered down into the leaves beneath the surface of his skin. Maybe things wouldn't be all right, but it was still something, wasn't it, to live on his own terms?

"Ch," said Sanzo. "It's probably going to be something stupid, like Aspires to Heavenly Virtues."

He gave Gonou a sidelong glance and his lips twitched again.

"I don't think you need any reminders about how to live," he said. "And besides, I doubt you'd live up to it."

Gonou was startled into a laugh.

"No," he said. "I probably wouldn't. After all, I'm living my life for me, right?"

The lines around Sanzo's eyes lightened, changed shape, and Gonou knew Sanzo was laughing at him.

"You may not be hopeless after all," he said. "Now move your ass."

 

One foot at a time, Gonou pushed himself forward—into the light, into the day, into his life.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been forever since I've posted something here! I suppose it's apropos that it's spring, and here I am, digging in the rich ground of Saiyuki again. I hope you found this interesting!


End file.
